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Mike Seaver: Complementarian Leadership in the Home and Church

We live in a culture that tells us there should be “sameness” in every area of life. Most recently, this argument has been made in redefining marriage to be the same for homosexuals and heterosexuals. “Sameness” is a trump card of our age. No one wants to be on the losing side and seen as a bigot, chauvinist, or jerk. But what happens if a fight for “sameness” is actually a fight against the Creator? That is exactly the battle we have in our culture when it comes to manhood and womanhood. The Bible says that men and women are equal in worth and value, but we aren’t the same.

Roles in the Home and Church

One of the shared values of Sovereign Grace churches is “complementarian leadership in the home and church.” The Bible affirms the equality and value of the two genders but also lays out a wonderful plan of having different roles (Genesis 1–2). These roles are not for the purpose of elevating men or squashing women, but actually help men to be “humble, servant leaders” and women to be “intelligent, joyful helpers” in the home and in the church.

In the home, men are to follow Christ who laid down his life for his bride (Ephesians 5:25) and thus lay their lives down for their bride. Women are to follow Christ by following the husband God has given them.

In the church, men are to lead as under-shepherds of the Chief Shepherd and be a “one-woman man” (1 Timothy 3:2Titus 1:6).

You may have heard the teaching on complementarianism before, and you may even be convinced that it is taught in the Bible. (Sovereign Grace affirms the Danvers Statement of The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.)

But how does this value function, and why is it so important in the local church and in our family of churches? Here are two reasons:

The Gospel

Biblical manhood and womanhood points us clearly to the gospel (Ephesians 5:22–33) in a world that is baffled by spouses treating each other with grace. I’ve interacted with many people who disagree with complementarianism, but after we dialogue, they usually say, “The idea of a servant-hearted husband loving his wife and laying down his life for her does not sound hard to submit to.” They then object with, “…but I don’t know any men who live this way.” I always say, “I actually have a church full of people who display this.” Manhood and womanhood is like a violin. When you see it skillfully (biblically) done, it is beautiful and inspiring, but when one resists the biblical roles, there is much screeching and wincing in the home and church.

The Authority of Scripture

Complementarianism also points us to the fact that Scripture, not our culture, is our authority. Just recently, I met with a couple who was new to our church. In our meeting, the wife asked, “Why are there no female pastors at this church?” I opened my Bible and showed her the passages that talk about women not exercising authority over a man (1 Timothy 2:12) and men being elders (1 Tim. 3:1–7). She said, “I’ve always wondered about those passages, and we always glossed over them at my previous church.” Our authority as a family of churches is God’s Word, and that is why we take complementary roles seriously.

A Story of Complementarianism Lived Out

This beautiful duet of manhood and womanhood is harmonized each week in our homes and as our church, Sovereign Grace Church of the Lowcountry, gathers. In homes like John and April Moffatt’s, a growing desire for complementarian roles is blooming. (This story is shared with John and April’s permission.) John is learning to initiate toward his bride like Christ did the church. April is learning to trust John’s leadership, much like our church grows in trusting Christ each step of the way. The Moffatts were not believers when they married 17 years ago, and they have said, “the odds were stacked against us.” When discussing how the biblical roles revolutionized their marriage in a recent testimony, John and April said, “John’s default is to not lead and April defaults to taking over. We will probably struggle with this to some degree our whole marriage. The important thing is that we understand our tendencies and catch ourselves when it starts to happen…God has taught us that when we realign our lives and roles with his plan, our marriage will bless us and will glorify God.”

Biblical manhood and womanhood is ultimately about that: glorifying God. It is a display of the gospel to a watching world. This is why it is one of the seven shared values of Sovereign Grace churches.

Mike preached a message on this topic from Genesis 2:18–25. Also see Kevin DeYoung’s message on “God’s Design” from the 2013 Sovereign Grace Transfer Conference.


Mike Seaver

Mike is the senior pastor of Sovereign Grace Church of the Lowcountry outside of Charleston, South Carolina. Prior to planting this church, Mike served as a pastor at CrossWay Community Church in Charlotte, North Carolina. He is a graduate of our Pastors College and of Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.

 

Grieving the Spirit by Kevin DeYoung

We grieve the Holy Spirit when we suggest he is jealous of our focus on Christ. The Holy Spirit’s work is to serve. He speaks only what he hears (John 16:13). He declares what he is given; his mission is to glorify another (John 16:14).

All three persons of the Trinity are fully God, yet in the divine economy the Son makes known the Father and the Spirit glorifies the Son. Yes, it is a terrible thing to be ignorant about the Spirit and unwise to overlook the indispensable role he plays in our lives.

But we must not think we can focus on Christ too much, or that when we exalt Christ to the glory of God the Father that somehow the Spirit is sulking off in the corner. The Spirit means to shine a light on Christ; he is not envious to stand in the light himself.

Exulting in Christ, focusing on Christ, speaking much and singing often of Christ are not evidences of the Spirit’s dismissal but of the Spirit’s work. If the symbol of the church is the cross and not the dove, that’s because the Spirit would have it that way. As J. I. Packer puts it, “The Spirit’s message to us is never, ‘Look at me; listen to me; come to me; get to know me,’ but always, ‘Look at him, and see his glory; listen to him, and hear his word; go to him, and have life; get to know him, and taste his gift of joy and peace.’”

Again, to know nothing of the Holy Spirit is a serious mistake (cf. Acts 19:2). But when Christians lament an over-attentiveness to Christ or moan about too much emphasis on the cross, such protestations grieve the Spirit himself. The Holy Spirit is not waiting in the wings to be noticed and lauded. His work is not to shine brightly before us, but to shine a light on the glory of Christ. To behold the glory of God the Father in the face of Jesus Christ the Son is not to sideline the Holy Spirit; it is to celebrate his gracious work among us.

Whether we are talking about holiness, the Bible, or Jesus Christ, let us never set the Spirit against the very thing he means to accomplish. We do not honor the Spirit by trying to diminish what he seeks to exalt. And we do not stay in his step by pushing others (or ourselves) in the direction of the very things that grieve him most.

Kevin DeYoung is the Senior Pastor at University Reformed Church and Prior to serving at URC, Kevin was the Associate Pastor at First Reformed Church in Orange City, Iowa. Kevin and his lovely wife, Trisha, have five children: Ian, Jacob, Elizabeth, Paul and Mary.

 

Luke 10:42 – “…one thing is necessary…”

I post these quotes, not because I live them, but because I need them …

“…it is difficult to imagine that someone who has taken the first steps toward loving God with heart and soul and mind and strength (Mark 12:30) would not want to absorb as much of God’s Word as possible.
(D. A. Carson)

Ordering the Take Words With You book

If you are looking to order a copy of Take Words With You please send an email to takewordswithyou@gmail.com with the quantity you want to order and your shipping information and we will get back to you with prices.

We are currently in the process of setting up an online store in the near future to make purchasing more convenient.

 

Why Does God always demand Praise?

“Reflections on the Psalms” C.S. Lewis 

Excerpted and edited from Chapter 9 – A Word about Praising

When I first began to draw near to belief in God…I found a stumbling block in the demand so clamorously made by all religious people that we should “praise” God; still more in the suggestion that God Himself demanded it. We all despise the man who demands continued assurance of his own virtue, intelligence or delightfulness; we despise still more the crowd of people round every dictator, every millionaire, every celebrity, who gratify that demand. Thus a picture, at once ludicrous and horrible, both of God and of His worshippers, threatened to appear in my mind. The Psalms were especially troublesome in this way… More than once the Psalmists seemed to be saying, “God, you like praise. Do this for me, and you shall have some.” … Again and again the speaker asks to be saved from death on the ground that if God lets him die God will get no more praise from them, for the ghosts in Sheol cannot praise. And mere quantity of praise seemed to count; “seven times a day do I praise thee.” It was extremely distressing. It made one think what one least wanted to think. Gratitude to God, reverence to Him, obedience to Him, I thought I could understand; not this perpetual talk of God’s “right” to be praised.

I still think “right” is a bad way of expressing it, but I believe I now see what that author meant. It is perhaps easiest to begin with inanimate objects, which can have no rights. What do we mean when we say that a picture is “admirable? We certainly don’t mean it “deserves” admiration in the sense in which a student “deserves” a high mark from a teacher- i.e. that a human being will have suffered injustice if it is not awarded. The sense in which the picture “deserves” or “demands” admiration is rather this; admiration is the correct, adequate or appropriate, response to it, that, if paid, admiration will not be “thrown away”, and that if we do not admire we shall be stupid, insensible, and great losers, we shall have missed something. In that way many objects both in Nature and in Art may be said to deserve, or merit, or demand, admiration. It was from this end that I found it best to approach the idea that God “demands” praise. To worship God is simply to be awake, to have entered the real world; not to appreciate Him is to have lost the greatest experience, and in the end to have lost all. The incomplete and crippled lives of those who are tone deaf, have never been in love, never known true friendship, never cared for a good book, never enjoyed the feel of the morning air on their cheeks, never enjoyed football, are faint images of it. But of course this is not all. God does not only “demand” praise as the supremely beautiful and all-satisfying Object. He does apparently command it as lawgiver. The Jews were told to sacrifice. We are under an obligation to go to church. But this was a difficulty only because I did not understand that it is in the process of being worshipped that God communicates His presence to men. It is not of course the only way. But for many people at many times the “fair beauty of the Lord” is revealed chiefly or only while they worship Him together. Even in Judaism the essence of the sacrifice was not really that men gave bulls and goats to God, but that by their so doing God gave Himself to men; in the central act of our own worship of course this is far clearer- there it is who receive. The miserable idea that God should in any sense need, or crave for, our worship like a vain woman wanting compliments, or a vain author presenting his new books to people who never met or heard of him, is implicitly answered by the words “If I be hungry I would not tell thee” (50:12). Even if such an absurd Deity could be conceived, He would hardly come to us, the lowest of rational creatures, to gratify His appetite. I don’t want my dog to bark approval of my books.

But the most obvious fact about praise-whether of God or anything- strangely escaped me. I thought of it in terms of compliment, approval, or the giving of honour. I had never noticed that all enjoyment spontaneously overflows into praise… The world rings with praise – lovers praising their mistresses, readers their favourite poet, walkers praising the countryside, players praising their favourite game – praise of weather, wines, dishes, actors, motors, horses, colleges, countries, historical personages, children, flowers, mountains, rare stamps, rare beetles, even sometimes politicians or scholars. I had not noticed how the humblest, and at the same time most balanced and capacious, minds, praised most, while the cranks, misfits and malcontents praised least. The good critics found something to praise in many imperfect works; the bad ones continually narrowed the list of books we might be allowed to read. The healthy and unaffected man, even if luxuriously brought up and widely experienced in good cookery, could praise a very modest meal: the dyspeptic and the snob found fault with all. Except where intolerably adverse circumstances interfere, praise almost seems to be inner health made audible. Nor does it cease to be so when, through lack of skill, the forms of its expression are very uncouth or even ridiculous. Heaven knows, many poems of praise addressed to an earthy beloved are as bad as our bad hymns, and an anthology of love poems for public and perpetual use would probably be as sore a trial to literary taste as Hymns Ancient and Modern. I had not noticed either that just as men spontaneously praise whatever they value, so they spontaneously urge us to join them in praising it: “Isn’t she lovely? Wasn’t it glorious? Don’t you think that magnificent?” The Psalmists in telling everyone to praise God are doing what all men do when they speak of what they care about. My whole, more general, difficulty about the praise of God depended on my absurdly denying to us, as regards the supremely Valuable, what we delight to do, what indeed we can’t help doing, about everything else we value.

I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation. It is not out of compliment that lovers keep on telling one another how beautiful they are; the delight is incomplete till it is expressed. It is frustrating to have discovered a new author and not to be able to tell anyone how good he is; to come suddenly, at the turn of the road, upon some mountain valley of unexpected grandeur and then to have to keep silent because the people with you care for it no more than for a tin can in the ditch; to hear a good joke and find no one to share it with. This is so even when our expressions are inadequate, as of course they usually are…The worthier the object, the more intense this delight would be. If it were possible for a created soul fully (I mean, up to the full measure conceivable in a finite being) to “appreciate”, that is to love and delight in, the worthiest object of all, and simultaneously at every moment to give this delight perfect expression, then that soul would be in supreme bliss. It is along these lines that I find it easiest to understand the Christian doctrine that “Heaven” is a state in which angels now, and men hereafter, are perpetually employed in praising God. This does not mean, as it can so dismally suggest, that it is like “being in Church”. For our “services” both in their conduct and in our power to participate, are merely attempts at worship. Never fully successful…. We are not riders but pupils in the riding school; for most of us the falls and bruises, the aching muscles and the severity of the exercise, far outweigh those few moments in which we were, to our own astonishment, actually galloping without terror and without disaster. To see what the doctrine really means, we must suppose ourselves to be in perfect love with God- drunk with, drowned in, dissolved by, that delight which, far from remaining pent up within ourselves as incommunicable, hence hardly tolerable, bliss, flows out from us incessantly again in effortless and perfect expression, our joy no more separable from the praise in which it liberates and utters itself that the brightness a mirror receives is separable from the brightness it sheds. The Scotch catechism says that man’s chief end is “to glorify God and enjoy Him forever”. But we shall then know that these are the same thing. Fully to enjoy is to glorify. In commanding us to glorify Him, God is inviting us to enjoy Him. 

Meanwhile of course we are merely, as Donne says, tuning our instruments. The tuning up of the orchestra can be itself delightful, but only to those who can in some measure, however little, anticipate the symphony. The Jewish sacrifices, and even our own most sacred rites, as they actually occur in human experience, are, like the tuning – promise, not performance. Hence, like the tuning, they may have in them much duty and little delight; or none. But the duty exists for the delight. When we carry out our “religious duties” we are like people digging channels in a waterless land, in order that when at last the water comes, it may find them ready.

Profound Humility

Original Post from joannekerr

“I am amazed when I consider here the humility of the Father. For, though the Father is supreme … yet He chooses to do His work in many cases through the Son and through the Spirit …
In Ephesians 1 (verses 3-12) … Paul goes on to show us that every one of those blessings – every single one of them – comes to us in Christ … the Father has designed that every one of those blessings, without exception, comes to us in and only in His Son. How kind of the Father to shine the spotlight on His Son, to the praise of the glory of His grace.
…Despite His supreme authority, He chooses to work so that another, not Himself, most fully manifests His (the Father’s) own glory. A profound divine humility …

In many ways, what we see here … extends into His relationship with us. Does God need us to do His work? … The answer is an emphatic no … Recall the words of Paul in Acts 17:25, that God is not ‘served by human hands, as though He needed anything’.
…He calls us into a service that He doesn’t need because He wants so very much to share with us. He’s generous. He loves and delights in giving a portion of His glorious work to others and empowering them to do it …it is as if He says, ‘I want you to participate in the privilege and pleasure of my work. I want you to be a part of what I am doing, to share in what I am accomplishing – a work that I do through you, a work I could do myself without you, but a work you’ll share in for all eternity.’
…he delegates a portion of His meaningful work to others, and He rejoices over their participation. Surely this is a model of how we can and should understand the “work of the ministry” in the body of Christ …”

(Bruce Ware)

 

To Do List

Original post from joannekerr

To Do List

Remember, today, to:

1. speak more to the Lord than I do to myself.

2. listen more to the Lord than I do to myself.

http://joannekerr.wordpress.com/2012/09/11/to-do-list/

In What Way is Self to be Denied?

*In What Way is Self to be Denied?
*An adaptation of portions of “A Treatise on Self-Denial” by Richard Baxter

Definitions

The Soul: The true person inside
The Self: The selfish beliefs, inclinations, and thoughts that enslave us

 

You must deny Self because Self is opposite to God and a competitor with him. As such it is the greatest idol of the soul.

It likes to imagine itself independent from God. This is a mad illusion, for we are dependent beings.  Yet Self believes it does not have to submit to God nor will it have to answer to him.

Self does not love God, trust God, or Worship Him.

Self must be denied because it stands against the truth of the gospel. It fights the very truth that would save the soul. The Self is the most incompetent judge of God’s word, yet at the same time the most aggressive, arrogant, and audacious critic of it. Self is the fountain of all unbelief.

It is an incompetent judge because God is an enemy of the Self and an enemy cannot be a competent or trustworthy judge. The Self’s aversion to the gospel makes it believe wrong things about it and overlook the beauty and good in it, makes multiple false conclusions, and mixes the meaning to make it say something it doesn’t. Self is utterly opposed to God and the holy life God has destined his people for.

It is the Self that the scriptures primarily speak against. The scriptures aim arrows of death at the Self, it disgraces Self, and stands against it. Just as a murderer on death row will never love the electric chair, so the Self will never love the Scriptures that condemn it—therefore it is an utterly untrustworthy judge of God’s word.

Self must be denied because it stands against Jesus Christ. Though it may admit to some good in Christ, the truth that Christ alone is the remedy for a miserable soul and the only source of life, righteousness, and hope in this world it rejects and ignores. The self seduces the soul to ever undervalue Christ.

O, down with self that Christ may be Christ to you! How shall he come into your life while Self is the watchman at the door? How will Christ forgive you when Self will not allow you to feel your need of God’s pardon? How will Christ bind up your wounded heart, when Self will not let you be broken? How shall he clothe you with his righteousness while Self keeps you in your own defiled, rotten rags? Of friend, put away your self-righteousness, that Christ may be your righteousness!

Self must be denied because it is the great resistor of the Holy Spirit. Apart than Satan himself, the Sanctifying Spirit has no greater enemy. One half of his sanctifying work is to destroy the Self. The Self ever resists holiness, distracts and lures you from your holy duties while at the same time persuading you to indulge in sin.

Self must be denied because it is a traitor to your soul and sides with your enemies. It pleads on sin’s behalf, it speaks as wicked people do, it is in a conspiracy to destroy you, all the while always appearing to be after your ultimate good. It constantly fills your mind with the difficulty and unpleasantness of the duties of holiness complaining, “How weary it is to follow God!” “What do I get by serving God?!”. Self is a vicious traitor against your own soul and therefore it must be denied.

Sustained By Words

Originally Posted to martha_martha by Sarah Fullerton

“As creatures of God we are totally dependent upon him for everything. We are dependent not only on the continual rule or providence of God in nature for the production of food and other goods, but also for every moment of our existence. We draw the next breath, our hearts beat the next beat, we are conscious of the next moment of our existence only because God goes on sustaining the very substance of creation. There are no laws of nature that are self-sustaining. If God were to withdraw for a split second his powerful word, the universe would cease to exist in that same split second. That is why man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God (Deut 8:3; see also Ps 104:24-30). So Christ, as the creative Word of God, sustains ‘all things by his powerful word’ (Heb 1:3), and ‘in him all things hold together’ (Col 1:17).”
-Graeme Goldworthy, According to Plan: The Unfolding Revelation of God in the Bible

These thoughts gave me a new insight into Jesus’ quoting of Deuteronomy 8:3 when the Devil tempts him to turn stones into bread after 40 days of fasting (and serious hunger!). I’ve always thought of this response as meaning that man can’t just survive on physical sustenance, but also needs the spiritual food of meditation on God’s written word to grant him life. That is certainly a true biblical idea, but what Jesus is saying here is, in the words of William Hendriksen, “Tempter, you are proceeding upon the false assumption that for a man, in order to appease hunger and keep alive, bread is absolutely necessary. Over against this erroneous idea, I now declare that not bread but the creative, energizing, and sustaining power of my Father is the only indispensable source of my, and of man’s, life and well-being.” (Exposition of the Gospel According to Matthew)

Hendriksen goes on:
“The expression ‘every word that comes out through the mouth of God’ refers to the word of his power. It is God’s omnipotence exercised in creation and preservation. It is his word of effective command; for example, ‘And God said, Let there be light, and there was light’ (Gen. 1:3); ‘By the word of Jehovah were the heavens made’ (Ps. 33:6).”

The point is this: Man can eat as much bread as he can get a hold of and yet, if God withdraws His sustaining word, such a person will die that very instant. Conversely, man can be without any bread due to circumstances beyond his control–and by God’s mercy, even circumstances WITHIN his control– and yet, by God’s sustaining word that man will go on living.

This doesn’t negate human responsibility (more on that in another post), but places our responsibility squarely UNDER God’s sovereign dominion and care. We live and move and have our being only because God continues to speak His sustaining word that commands us to go on living. And what a relief this is to the anxieties of daily life!

As I drive back and forth from VBS this week, logging 500 kms just in multiple short trips, I am aware that the reason I have yet to drive off the road or hit another car is not merely the good condition of our van or my ability to stay alert and focus on the road (anyone who’s ever had 4 kids in the back of their van knows it couldn’t possibly be that!), though these are agents of God’s care. I have yet to die on the road because God continues to speak His powerful words of existence for me.

If you are fighting illness, or you worry every time your child acts out crazy kid-antics on the jungle gym, or things are so tight that you literally don’t know where tomorrow’s meal is going to come from, trust that God’s word will speak sustenance until the very moment HE has appointed for the end. It is not bread, or health or helicopter parenting that keeps us all going. And “which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” (Matt. 6:27) Man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of God, and His powerful word will never cease to command and carry out his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Pushing Pause

This post is originally from joannekerr

“…Immediately (Jesus) made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone…

In reading this, this morning, I was reminded that prayer time seldom just falls into our lap. Usually, we have to intentionally carve out time for it.

It was tempting, 20 years ago, when I had a 4 year old, a 2 year old, an almost-1 year old (and another “as yet unknown” to follow a couple of years later) to believe that “later” there would be more time for prayer and study of God’s Word.
While there was some truth to that, the realities of “later” are that when it finally arrives, there are a new set of issues to face:

…Now that you “have more free time” you find that you have less energy (and mental capacity!).
…You may feel more pressure (inwardly, or outwardly) to involve yourself with people or activities that you were not able to before because of other responsibilities and priorities.
…And, 20 years ago, who would have dreamt of the amount of time the average person would be using the Internet; Facebook; cell phones; commuting …! There will no doubt be things 20 years from now that we will be saying, “Who would’ve known!”

In reality, no one – at any season of life – has more legitimate demands on his time than Jesus did. He was surrounded by real people with very real needs. Constantly. Yet He regularly pushed “Pause” and physically removed Himself, in order to spend time in prayer.
How much more should I.

Jesus provides the example. He is sympathetic with our weaknesses. With Him, we find mercy & grace to help us to prioritize prayer, no matter what our season or limitations.